~FancyJuiceBox

Now what? It's safe to say that the recovery process is well on its way to near completion. But after all of this blows over. After the eating disorder. After the withdrawal from friends. After crying stops hurting so much. Then what? I'm much happier withdrawn. I'm much happier alone. This lifestyle kills me, but at the same time, it's a lifestyle that seems to be constant. While the stupidest excuses for mental/emotional illnesses are orbiting around this new lifestyle, it isn't based on the foolish things I'd once preoccupy myself with.

Am I supposed to go back to the way things were? I don't want that. This is my true self. If I was to go into the way things should naturally be and have been, I'd be lost. The drama. The fooling around. Things seem so meaningless. Everything I do now has meaning, and purpose. Whether it's negative or positive, it's something. Isn't being neutral a waste of life? Neutral is my past and future life, and it's sickening.
I want to walk away from this with what I have and cling onto strongly in my heart what I had. I can't quite always live in the progression stage, though. The healing. The "today, mentally, was much more fulfilling than yesterday. Thought a lot.". I'd much rather say that then, "So I had lunch with this person, and this person like totally said this!"
Welland friends are noticing a change. It isn't a good one, really.

Meh.

Sleep well. ED clinic tomorrow.
Spider bite on foot. ... AHHHHHHH! TT

<3